What I hate about Chennai
I want to start with the town I love to hate – Chennai. My relationship with the city has been consistently tormenting on both sides since the time I first visited Chennai in the late 90’s. I even came this close to being posted here for work in 2002. By sheer luck, and some quick actions, I was spared from the ordeal.
Here is a list of things that I hate about the city:
The stink – there is a particular smell associated with every city. In some, it is very strong. Mumbai and Chennai are two cities with a very strong, and often revolting, odor. Maybe it is the way the municipal government handles waste management, maybe it is a by-product of the sticky and humid weather, or maybe it is just in my head, but I have not been able to get over it for sure. Mumbai, yes - since I was born and brought up in the place - but Chennai, no.
Poor Connectivity – I am a Jet Airways regular. There is a huge challenge when it comes to early morning flights from Delhi or late evening flights to Delhi. Either there are no flights, or if there is one by chance, it is always full. Most are Jet Konnect flights. The trouble is to manage work, meetings and business in such time as to meet the odd flight times. The airport is also quite old and has no places to lounge. Till the time the new airport comes up, this is going to be one pain in the wrong places.
Coconut Oil – There is a theory that the universe is actually in the shape of a gigantic, enormous and hollow Coconut. The vast emptiness is the space between the walls of the Coconut and the ‘ether’ is the coconut oil. At the center of this Giant Coconut, there is Madras, now Chennai. Or maybe it is the other way round. For surely, at the center of Chennai’s soul, there is coconut and coconut oil. The entire city has a particular smell, which I suspect is due to this. From head to toe, from start to end, from soup to dessert – there is coconut oil. So much so, that the last time I visited a Pizza Hut in T-Nagar, I even suspected that the Pan pizza was made in coconut oil. Of course, I told myself that I was just getting cynical. It must have been the smell from a near-by table.
Food – In fact, the food is the single decisive factor for whether you like a place or not. Chennai, in this aspect, leaves a lot to be desired – and is hardly a metropolis. Till recently, it was impossible to get a decent meal in the place for a meat-eater. Even the seafood that you get here is usually made in a special manner – not very amenable, to say the least. And then there is the ‘kadipatta’ – green leaves that are put for God knows what reason in each and every item. Now, this situation has improved over years for sure. Today, there are at least some options. You can even get an All-American barbeque buffet, or an authentic Korean fare. But you need to really know these places.
Ghee – All sweets have tremendous amounts of the deadly ‘ghee’ (butter) in them. Sri Krishna Sweets - which has outlets across the city, even one at the airport – is the most famous producer of these weapons of mass destruction. Their ‘mysor-pak’ is especially deadly. You can try their rice halwa though. It is less sweet, and hopefully less of a killer.
The Weather – Chennai’s weather is famous for being ‘hot and hotter’. All throughout the year, the only thing that varies is the intensity of the ‘hot’. Like Eskimos who have some two hundred words describing different types of snow, the locals here have different words for ‘hot’. You have the ‘dry hot’, the ‘sticky hot’, the ‘moist hot’, the ‘crazy maddening hot’, you get the idea. Although I must add that this visit in January has been a pleasant surprise in terms of weather. I could actually say that it was ‘pleasant’. It was cloudy and it drizzled, making it quite a charming time.
Water Clogging – Especially in the monsoon, one needs to be careful before checking into a hotel. Chances are that, by the time you come back from work, the entrance of your hotel – which was in a low lying area – is flooded and under water. The only way across is swimming or by canoe. Watch out for Hotel Residency Tower in T-Nagar especially.
Language – This is a known fact, and I do not want to delve too deep in this. But one thing is sure, one cannot move around much without a map. The cabbies, the autos, people on the road – you will have a tough time without a map or an interpreter. The public transport is rendered useless since there is no information on them other than the local script. The best solution for getting lost is to avoid getting lost.
Cabbies – Cab drivers in Chennai are a special breed. They do not understand any language other than Tamil. What’s more, they do not know any directions – ever. And yet, they have a strange behavior of nodding and saying ‘yes’ to everything you say. Don’t be fooled. This ‘yes’ can mean anything from ‘okay’ right up to ‘I have no freaking idea what you are saying’. I spend most of my day and energy having these educational sessions with the cabbies every time I am in Chennai. If one finally gets a Cabbie who knows either Hindi or English, you feel like giving him a hug.
Hotels with the same names – And to top this, for some for some bizarre reason, Chennai is in the habit of naming two hotels at two different locations with the same or similar names. There is a Taj Connemara and a Taj Coromandal. There is a Residency and a Residency Tower – two different hotels. There are two Lotus Apartments, about 5km apart. This provides another exciting opportunity for a heartfelt chat with the cabbies, who anyway do not understand a word you are saying.
I have also learnt, the hard way, that there are two lounges at the Chennai airport, and one of them does not announce the boarding. What a fitting closure for the post!
Best,
Shreekant
8th January 2010
First published on 24th August 2010
Here is a list of things that I hate about the city:
The stink – there is a particular smell associated with every city. In some, it is very strong. Mumbai and Chennai are two cities with a very strong, and often revolting, odor. Maybe it is the way the municipal government handles waste management, maybe it is a by-product of the sticky and humid weather, or maybe it is just in my head, but I have not been able to get over it for sure. Mumbai, yes - since I was born and brought up in the place - but Chennai, no.
Poor Connectivity – I am a Jet Airways regular. There is a huge challenge when it comes to early morning flights from Delhi or late evening flights to Delhi. Either there are no flights, or if there is one by chance, it is always full. Most are Jet Konnect flights. The trouble is to manage work, meetings and business in such time as to meet the odd flight times. The airport is also quite old and has no places to lounge. Till the time the new airport comes up, this is going to be one pain in the wrong places.
Coconut Oil – There is a theory that the universe is actually in the shape of a gigantic, enormous and hollow Coconut. The vast emptiness is the space between the walls of the Coconut and the ‘ether’ is the coconut oil. At the center of this Giant Coconut, there is Madras, now Chennai. Or maybe it is the other way round. For surely, at the center of Chennai’s soul, there is coconut and coconut oil. The entire city has a particular smell, which I suspect is due to this. From head to toe, from start to end, from soup to dessert – there is coconut oil. So much so, that the last time I visited a Pizza Hut in T-Nagar, I even suspected that the Pan pizza was made in coconut oil. Of course, I told myself that I was just getting cynical. It must have been the smell from a near-by table.
Food – In fact, the food is the single decisive factor for whether you like a place or not. Chennai, in this aspect, leaves a lot to be desired – and is hardly a metropolis. Till recently, it was impossible to get a decent meal in the place for a meat-eater. Even the seafood that you get here is usually made in a special manner – not very amenable, to say the least. And then there is the ‘kadipatta’ – green leaves that are put for God knows what reason in each and every item. Now, this situation has improved over years for sure. Today, there are at least some options. You can even get an All-American barbeque buffet, or an authentic Korean fare. But you need to really know these places.
Ghee – All sweets have tremendous amounts of the deadly ‘ghee’ (butter) in them. Sri Krishna Sweets - which has outlets across the city, even one at the airport – is the most famous producer of these weapons of mass destruction. Their ‘mysor-pak’ is especially deadly. You can try their rice halwa though. It is less sweet, and hopefully less of a killer.
The Weather – Chennai’s weather is famous for being ‘hot and hotter’. All throughout the year, the only thing that varies is the intensity of the ‘hot’. Like Eskimos who have some two hundred words describing different types of snow, the locals here have different words for ‘hot’. You have the ‘dry hot’, the ‘sticky hot’, the ‘moist hot’, the ‘crazy maddening hot’, you get the idea. Although I must add that this visit in January has been a pleasant surprise in terms of weather. I could actually say that it was ‘pleasant’. It was cloudy and it drizzled, making it quite a charming time.
Water Clogging – Especially in the monsoon, one needs to be careful before checking into a hotel. Chances are that, by the time you come back from work, the entrance of your hotel – which was in a low lying area – is flooded and under water. The only way across is swimming or by canoe. Watch out for Hotel Residency Tower in T-Nagar especially.
Language – This is a known fact, and I do not want to delve too deep in this. But one thing is sure, one cannot move around much without a map. The cabbies, the autos, people on the road – you will have a tough time without a map or an interpreter. The public transport is rendered useless since there is no information on them other than the local script. The best solution for getting lost is to avoid getting lost.
Cabbies – Cab drivers in Chennai are a special breed. They do not understand any language other than Tamil. What’s more, they do not know any directions – ever. And yet, they have a strange behavior of nodding and saying ‘yes’ to everything you say. Don’t be fooled. This ‘yes’ can mean anything from ‘okay’ right up to ‘I have no freaking idea what you are saying’. I spend most of my day and energy having these educational sessions with the cabbies every time I am in Chennai. If one finally gets a Cabbie who knows either Hindi or English, you feel like giving him a hug.
Hotels with the same names – And to top this, for some for some bizarre reason, Chennai is in the habit of naming two hotels at two different locations with the same or similar names. There is a Taj Connemara and a Taj Coromandal. There is a Residency and a Residency Tower – two different hotels. There are two Lotus Apartments, about 5km apart. This provides another exciting opportunity for a heartfelt chat with the cabbies, who anyway do not understand a word you are saying.
I have also learnt, the hard way, that there are two lounges at the Chennai airport, and one of them does not announce the boarding. What a fitting closure for the post!
Best,
Shreekant
8th January 2010
First published on 24th August 2010
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